Right now I’m really busy in Boston. Most likely doing something inappropriate with a statue of one of our forefathers. So I paid Paige (from Just PMSing) $7 in Subway giftcards to keep you entertained. Actually that’s not true because she refused to accept it. But I tried.
So sit back, relax, and fasten your adult diaper because Paige is about to make you pee yourself. You’re welcome.
Hi. Natalie is in Boston, probably drinking right at this moment (It doesn’t matter when you read that statement because it’s probably true at anytime). So she appointed me as her substitute teacher. I’m Paige Skinner and if you like what you read here, you can read more idiotic things at justpmsing.blogspot.com.
If you’ve ever questioned a man’s sexuality, then I’ve had a crush on him.
No doubt. There is not question about it. I love my men feminine.
“I’m never going to have grandchildren because you like gay guys.” –my father
Ryan Seacrest? Oh, yes.
Derek Hough? Hello.
One Direction? All of them. Yes, give them to me.
Seth Meyers? What is up.
Scott Disick and his tinted moisturizer? I’m not mad.
Nothing gets me more hot and bothered than a man who doesn’t know how to change a tire or unclog a sink.
And it doesn’t help that my gaydar is really off. Like, really off.
“I met the cutest guy today!” –me
“Oh, yeah? What was his boyfriend’s name?” –my father
And usually my father isn’t wrong. I will be having a conversation with a man centered around things that should be warning signs, like my outfit or what Lindsay Lohan did last night, and then someone will kindly whisper in my ear, “Paige, he’s gay.”
“You like them a little light in the loafers.” –my father
LIKE, WHY. Why do bad things happen to good girls who like her men slightly feminine?
And even if in the off- and beautiful-chance that they’re not gay, everyone still thinks they are.
I.E. Daniel Tosh, Daniel Tosh, Daniel Tosh. There’s not a day that goes by where I’m not defending Daniel and his OBVIOUS love for women.
You know that episode of Sex and the City where they can’t decide if Charlotte’s love interest is a gay straight guy or a straight gay guy? THAT IS MY LIFE AND IT’S HARD. Do you even know what episode I’m talking about? Ugh, I found it on YouTube for you.
(Skip through the Miranda and her hairplugs boyfriend part.)
Have you ever seen the music video for Call Me Maybe? Watch it and sympathize with Carly and me.
The other night I was out with a few friends dancing and drinking (I should probably note that this bar was a gay bar). I laid eyes on the most gorgeous man who was a cross between Harry Styles and Nate Berkus.
My eyes began watering (my eyes always water when I see a really attractive male, so my first year of college was fun. “NO, I’m not crying, he’s just hot”).
ANYWAY, I went up to him and my exact words were, “I just want to tell you you’re the most gorgeous thing in this place.”
The sound that came out of his voice was like no other.
He sounded like a little girl.
I was like ok. If for a second I had forgotten that you aren’t into me and will never be into me, I know now.
You are gay and you will never love me, but I will love your forever. The entire night I just tried to dance next to him and look as good as him doing it because I loved him so much. But he instead kept dancing away from the strange, straight, white girl.
Feminine men, stop teasing me and just love me.
(Don’t forget, if you like what you read here, you can read more idiotic things at justpmsing.blogspot.com.)